I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
