I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
