i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
