Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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