Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
