HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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