They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
