i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
