either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
