He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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