Apparently you make a good broom.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
