okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
