Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
