this beer tastes like vomit already
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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