i think my mom watched the whole time
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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