and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
