I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
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