his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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