Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i would one night stand the shit outta him
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
