i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
