Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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