CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
