You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
