i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
