We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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