Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
