I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize