I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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