you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
