I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
