I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Less talking, more tequila
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
