Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
