My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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