I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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