If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
