Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
