Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
