This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
