I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize