i was born a porn star she said
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
