Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
