In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
