Apparently you make a good broom.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
