she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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