She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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