Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize