evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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