You just made me feel so damn special
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
