She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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