you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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