I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
