YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
