ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
