not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
