to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
