I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
