She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
