fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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