if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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