some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
