I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize