This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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