He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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