You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
