and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
