she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
