Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
