One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
