Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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