Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
