it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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