I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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