i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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