I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He better not be in your backpack
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
