i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Drunk is a universal language darling
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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