there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
