Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
