She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
