Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
