my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
